It seems like every day there's a new app or gadget promising to change the way we connect. Recently, sextech expert Bryony Cole sat down with TED's Whitney Pennington Rodgers to talk about something that feels almost sci-fi: the spread of AI in our love lives. This conversation was less about the future and more about what's happening right now. People from all sorts of backgrounds are using AI to build relationships—even families. But what does this all mean for humans and our need to be close to each other?
Key Takeaways
- AI companions are everywhere, not just for geeks or the lonely.
- They’re being used for support, friendship, writing speeches—pretty much every kind of connection you can think of.
- The real surprise isn’t the technology, but how people are using it.
- AI can supplement, not fully replace, human intimacy—at least for now.
- We all need to ask tough questions about data, privacy, and our boundaries.
The Surprising Ways People Use AI
It’s not just young, techy folks chatting to AI. There are over 300 different AI companion apps out there, used for everything from emotional support by widows to helping parents write a birthday or eulogy. Some even use AI for managing long-distance relationships or caregiving.
Older adults are giving AI a try—sometimes just to ask ChatGPT for help with awkward tasks (like making a dinner toast). For every tech-obsessed user, there’s someone hesitant, unsure if AI is supportive or just another way to feel alone.
Interestingly, AI is even being discussed as a way to build families for those who can’t have children. There’s talk of AI kids, simulated families, and the line between real and virtual life keeps getting blurrier.
Choosing AI: Misconceptions and What Holds People Back
Not everyone is excited. Some resist AI because they feel it’s weird telling their secrets to a computer. Others ask: “What happens to all my data if I pour my heart out to a chatbot?”
But here’s what’s shifting:
- Adoption is speeding up, just like it did with social media.
- Privacy remains a big worry, but lots of folks still click “agree” without reading.
- The question is less about if AI is helpful, and more about what we might lose—trust, spontaneity, and the messy stuff that makes relationships real.
Human Intimacy vs. ‘Synthetic Intimacy’
Cole points out there’s a difference between using AI to support relationships and to replace them. Whether it’s romantic or friendly, many people want both: to keep some connections 100% human, and use AI as a helper in others. But this is personal. Like social media, it comes down to how, and how much, you use it.
There’s already a term for this: ‘synthetic intimacy.’ AIs can mirror sadness in someone’s voice or pick up anxiety, but they can’t comfort you with a hug. That sort of warmth is still human territory—for now.
AI and the Modern “Village”
Remember when everyone said, “It takes a village?” Well, AI might actually help us re-invent the idea. Today, our ‘village’ is less about who lives next door, and more about who we interact with frequently, online or offline.
Ways AI is helping build connection:
- Scheduling calls, events, or meetups
- Reminding us to reach out to friends
- Helping us discover shared interests to strengthen bonds
But there’s a risk: over-customising our connections with AI can mean less chance for those happy accidents and challenges that make friendships strong.
Risks, Ethics, and What to Watch Out For
Of course, there are big questions around data, consent, and who’s making these tools. Our most private thoughts could end up on servers somewhere, used for who knows what. The call is for more voices at the table—not just engineers, but caregivers, psychologists, and regular people.
What About Young People and Learning?
AI isn’t just for adults. Some apps (like Mojo) use AI for sex ed and tough questions, letting young people ask what they might be afraid to say out loud. This can be positive—up to a point. Cole argues the “human stuff” like listening, empathy, and in-person communication shouldn’t get lost.
Rewriting the Rules: What’s Next?
No one’s got all the answers yet. Most likely, AI will stick around as another option for connection, sometimes helpful, sometimes maybe too easy. Whether it’s planning a date or helping a child, it’s up to us to draw lines and check in with how this tech actually makes us feel.
Here are some simple practices to keep things “human”:
- Ask: Does my use of AI bring me closer to real people, or does it isolate me?
- Practise being curious—a lost art, apparently.
- Stay present and really listen.
- Set personal boundaries on how and when to use AI companions.
- Have open talks about using AI, especially with partners or kids.
Final Thoughts: Going Slow Might Be the New Luxury
In a world hooked on efficiency, maybe the best thing we can do is slow down. Cole suggests that the messiness, the little friction points, and even those boring, quiet moments are what make relationships special. AI can be useful, but we don’t want to lose what makes us—and our relationships—human.
Who knows? In five or ten years, slow love and real, honest connection might just be cooler than anything technology can offer.